"Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy."
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Witty quotes
Witty
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Witty quotes (page 8 of 71)
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"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
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"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
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"In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows."
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"People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?"
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"So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family."
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"When I got my first TV set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships with other people."
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"The superfluous, a very necessary thing."
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"If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?"
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"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."
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"I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'"
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"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?"
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"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
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"After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood."
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"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
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"It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are."
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"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women."
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"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."
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"If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor."
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"When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life."
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