"I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants."
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 20 of 41)
818 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third."
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"You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out"
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"I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman."
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"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."
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"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."
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"There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly."
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"Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?"
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"The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death."
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"That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing."
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"The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts."
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"The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass."
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"Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident."
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"Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage."
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"My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went."
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"I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead."
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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
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"I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba."
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"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things."
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"When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty."
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