"Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight."
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Quote collection
Bill Hicks quotes (page 12 of 14)
265 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]"
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"I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know."
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"Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years."
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"What are you reading for?"
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"I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us...to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells."
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"...I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An 'avenging GOD'? One who created Hell for those who don't believe? I thought we were the perfect and holy children of GOD? How could any limits possibly be put upon us? Hell.. really? I'm sorry, but... no. Wrong. You're wrong. That's an insane GOD and therefore not mine. Because, see, GOD would be very sane, don't you get it?"
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"I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it. I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here."
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"....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week."
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"Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass."
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"I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy."
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"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift."
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"In Australia...they celebrate Easter the same...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit...left chocolate eggs in the night"
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"Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour."
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"I was in Australia....Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den....think of the parties."
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"What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?"
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"I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties."
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"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."
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"It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick."
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"Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day."
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