"Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln"
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Quote collection
Demetri Martin quotes (page 15 of 25)
494 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown."
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"To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!""
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"Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs."
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"One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'"
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"I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please."
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"I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust."
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"If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'"
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"I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie."
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"Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything."
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"I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed."
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"How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door."
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"I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles."
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"Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'"
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"A mobile home with a flat tire is a home."
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"I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming."
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"Clowns have no respect for pie."
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"I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable."
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"I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?"
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"There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend."
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