"Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?"
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 10 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining."
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"I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen."
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"A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt"
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"Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind - the ironic part is that it's presented as a good thing, and its effect is absolutely catastrophic to individuals and to societies."
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"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."
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"Someone once said, if you scratch a cynic, and you'll find a disappointed idealist. That really rang a bell with me - because I recognized that, within me, there is this flame, of wishing it were better, wishing people had better lives, that there was more of an authentic sharing and harmony with nature."
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"Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded."
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"I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now."
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"Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it."
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"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
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"When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person."
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"Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?"
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"You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street."
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"Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it."
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"I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."
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"I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate."
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"I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty, they will need things like the drugs they choose to use. Mankind has wanted to change the way it felt from the beginning anyway. In this country there are even more reasons to want to feel different, to want to feel better, because this is such a neon sewer. This is such a degrading culture. It forces you to play Beethoven to your child in the uterus so that he will get into a better school and a better job and make more money so he can take care of you."
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"I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings."
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"When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
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