"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 12 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The violence of the Left is symbolic, the injuries are not intended. The violence of the Right is real - directed at people, designed to cause injuries. Vietnam, nuclear weapons, police out of control are intentional forms of violence. The violence from the Right is aimed directly at people and the violence from the Left is aimed at institutions and symbols."
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"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
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"Hard work is for people short on talent."
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"Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack."
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"Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are."
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"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
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"They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street."
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"I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own."
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"We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all."
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"An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't know where they're going, what is going to happen, but they know they are not there yet, and there is some continuity and growth. I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter."
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"That's really a part of my nature , it goes along with autonomy and independence of action - it's just that I don't identify with the local group, no matter what it is, whether it's the human species or the American democracy, the nation, the country, religions, political parties, nothing. None of these have my allegiance because I'm not really concerned with what they do. I don't feel a part of any of this."
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"What wine goes with Captain Crunch?"
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"Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason"
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"Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves."
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"If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.""
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"There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have."
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"Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is."
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"We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often."
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"If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem."
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