George Carlin

Comedian, Actor

George Carlin was a groundbreaking stand-up comedian known for his incisive social commentary and critiques of language, politics, and morality.

Born
May 12, 1937
Died
June 22, 2008
Quotes
976
Rank
#448

Quote collection

George Carlin quotes (page 11 of 49)

976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.

George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father was asked to leave because he couldn't metabolize ethanol. Actually, my mother ran away with us when I was 2 months old and my brother was 5. Real dramatic stuff: down the fire escape, through backyards. So, I sort of raised myself. I was alone a lot and I invented myself - I lived through the radio and through my imagination."

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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
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"I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again."

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