"When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 26 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer."
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"I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to."
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"Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive."
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"Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a... secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control language because that's the way you control thought, and basically that's the game they're in."
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"There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day."
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"I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius."
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"There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you."
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"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."
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"One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was."
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"Hooray for most things!"
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"And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me."
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"I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school."
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"If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed."
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"Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right."
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"If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him."
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"I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is."
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"Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick"
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"Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven."
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"You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala."
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