"When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 33 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I think it would be fair and right to use some of my land and wealth for a drug-rehab center or an Indian school."
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"You know, if a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough. Acid and peyote were that way for me."
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"The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to."
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"One of the interesting things about "outsidership" is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off."
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"There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself."
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"Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too."
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"My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid."
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"I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best."
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"The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes."
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"The effect of the coke on our relationship [with my wife Brenda] was very sick. Now that it's over, those were actually funny times. Looking for each other's coke, hiding it, finding it, doing some, not telling the other. Then fighting over it."
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"I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie."
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"I think everybody should be able to do anything they want and let roving bands of people punish each other for things they don't agree with. People with no underwear doing anything they want. Wouldn't that be fun? You wouldn't need television."
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"Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage."
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"The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind"
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"The ending of my experience with cocaine came in a periodic way. I would get high less frequently, I would use smaller amounts, and I would do coke for less periods of time. And that process just kept increasing and increasing until I wasn't using it at all. I didn't go on a program anywhere. I didn't join an organization or detox anywhere. I just slowly tapered off until it was gone. That was also true of my heavy pot use. I just tapered off until there was almost no use at all. And the same thing was true of drinking tons of beer."
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"Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself."
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"Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag."
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"There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are."
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"Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?"
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