Quote collection
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"If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!" But you'll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, "What's happenin'?""
"I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea."
"Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country."
"One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'."
"In the Navy, there is no wrong hole. In the Marines, there is always a hole."
"When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke."
"No one knows what's next, but everybody does it."
"My history of moving away from drugs is not the kind you hear from most people. Certainly not from celebrities, especially those professionally recovering people. What I've noticed in my overuse of cocaine is the period of pleasure versus the period of pain. That is to say that when you first get high on anything, the pleasure is predominant and you don't pay much price. A little hangover or whatever it might be with another drug. But after a while the ratio begins to change, and there' s far more pain in the deal than pleasure. It just completely goes in another direction."
"The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage."
"The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend."
"No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It's certainly not a judgmental entity. It's certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God."
"We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost."
"When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to."
"If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends."
"Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions."
"If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?"
"Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer."
"People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing."
"Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO."
"You can't be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you're not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out."