"Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"
Read quote
4 likes
Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 36 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell""
Read quote
4 likes
"Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture."
Read quote
4 likes
"Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s."
Read quote
4 likes
"Cancer research is a growth industry."
Read quote
4 likes
"It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day, or only a few hours, instead of four or five days. And I began to want to stop. One of the proudest moments of my life was at a rock-'n'-roll theater in New Jersey. A guy actually put some coke under my nose and I was able to say, "No, thanks," and turn my head away."
Read quote
4 likes
"I do something about the weather. I stay home."
Read quote
4 likes
"It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America."
Read quote
4 likes
"You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven."
Read quote
4 likes
"Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language."
Read quote
4 likes
"Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying."
Read quote
4 likes
"Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help."
Read quote
4 likes
"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."
Read quote
4 likes
"I believe you can joke about anything."
Read quote
4 likes
"Brenda [Carlin] went into therapy and I soon joined her. First we put the drugs behind us, then we began serious work on our relationship. And, in time, we got well together.She just drove through a hotel lobby. Now, that's bottoming out."
Read quote
4 likes
"Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent."
Read quote
4 likes
"It's a "keep your fingers crossed" business, the entertainment business."
Read quote
4 likes
"So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today."
Read quote
4 likes
"In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark."
Read quote
4 likes
"My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school. She gave me all the proper guidance and influences, but physically, she just couldn't be there."
Read quote
4 likes