"Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'"
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 20 of 192)
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"Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!"
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"All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny."
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"Holding back is so close to stealing."
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"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."
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"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
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"If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.""
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"The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron."
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"If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of the oncoming train."
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"All you have shall some day be given. Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors."
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"Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world."
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"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like “shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah."
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"My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal."
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"I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s."
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"A joke's a very serious thing."
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"All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl."
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"Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you."
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"To stimulate creativity one must develop childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition."
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"I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones."
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"A sense of humor judges one's actions and the actions of others from a wider reference. It pardons shortcomings, it consoles failure."
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