"I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate."
Read quote
17 likes
Humor quotes
Humor
3.8K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Explore further
Topics related to Humor
Browse quotes that often appear alongside humor — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
Quote collection
Humor quotes (page 18 of 192)
Follow a thought to its author, or read the full quote page.
"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing."
Read quote
17 likes
"I like friends as I like music - when I am in the mood."
Read quote
17 likes
"The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder."
Read quote
17 likes
"How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?"
Read quote
17 likes
"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."
Read quote
17 likes
"In truth, politeness is artificial good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue."
Read quote
17 likes
"Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?"
Read quote
17 likes
"The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach."
Read quote
17 likes
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Read quote
17 likes
"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."
Read quote
17 likes
"America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait."
Read quote
17 likes
"A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife.""
Read quote
17 likes
"I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin."
Read quote
17 likes
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
Read quote
17 likes
"The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember."
Read quote
17 likes
"The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."
Read quote
17 likes
"If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there."
Read quote
17 likes
"What shall we do with...the Jews?...set fire to their synagogues or schools and bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them."
Read quote
17 likes
"Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt...people."
Read quote
17 likes