Humor quotes
3.8K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humor — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves."
"It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location."
"Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!""
"It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed."
"Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four."
"The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use."
"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
"As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions."
"What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!"
"When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first."
"Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility."
"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."
"You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer."
"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"
"I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"."
"Hermits have no peer pressure."
"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
"What a nice night for an evening."
"I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific."
"I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator."
