"Zen... does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 4 of 192)
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"Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –" "Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet." "Great idea though, thanks, Mum."
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"Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent."
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"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
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"Don't look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you'll know you're dead."
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"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
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"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."
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"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!"
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"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
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"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'"
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"To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time."
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"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable."
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"When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."
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"How come abbreviated is such a long word?"
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"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward."
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"Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point."
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"One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny."
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"I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast."
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"In good times, people want to advertise; in bad times, they have to."
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"I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how a man could look up into the heavens and say there is no God."
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