"Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 5 of 192)
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"Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes."
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"Call on God, but row away from the rocks."
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"When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults."
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"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
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"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
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"A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
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"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!"
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"The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live."
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"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered."
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"They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right."
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"I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it."
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"You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge."
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"Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one."
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"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?"
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"I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding."
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"When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually."
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"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."
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"I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'"
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"A sense of humor is just common sense dancing."
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