"The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 53 of 192)
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"I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself... I could do everything based on how I want to do things."
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"You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me."
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"Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!"
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"My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not"
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"Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work."
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"I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before."
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"Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor."
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"You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress."
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"When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show."
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"I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now."
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"Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species."
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"musicians rarely have a sense of humour, at least, about themselves."
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"Her Majesty is not a subject."
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"Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa."
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"Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?"
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"New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried."
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"No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack."
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"I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25."
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"The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies."
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