"Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!"
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 57 of 192)
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"You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!"
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"I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!"
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"Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show."
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"According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does."
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"If you want to feel good, be rational."
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"Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical."
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"Well, honor is the subject of my story."
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"A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?"
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"Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own"
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"When Caesar says, 'Do this', it is performed."
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"He is like a female llama surprised in her bath."
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"You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives."
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"She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder."
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"I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain."
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"Death is an acquired trait."
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"The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay, or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal."
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"As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line."
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"The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism."
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"I'm beginning to feel that the real endangered species on planet earth are not the whales and the elephants but those of us who can laugh at the world and ourselves. ... I fear the dry turn of the American mind, this focus on the literal, as much as I fear our capacity for self-destruction. We've become hagridden by facts, obsessed with product instead of process. Where's the energetic wit, the looney outlook, the frivolity, the lightness of comforting laughter? It has become fashionable to know and unfashionable to feel, and you can't really laugh if you can't feel."
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