"Seriousness is the refuge of the shallow. There are events and personal experiences that call forth seriousness but they are fewer than most of us think."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 58 of 192)
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"A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more."
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"These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make."
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"It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."
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"I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers."
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"Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore."
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"You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again."
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"One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house."
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"When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said."
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"I lost a button hole."
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"I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four.""
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"I was once arrested for resisting arrest."
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"The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les."
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"Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors."
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"The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards."
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"I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back."
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"Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?"
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"I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.""
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"I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake."
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"The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows."
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