Humor quotes
3.8K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humor — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture 'cause you’re too busy recording it; so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time."
"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
"I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong."
"After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month."
"When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice."
"A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes."
"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
"Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?"
"One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'"
"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?"
"Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs."
"I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor."
"Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think."
"When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion."
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."
"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."
"I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater."
