Humorous quotes
1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humorous — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"I shall write a book some day about the appropriateness of names. Geoffrey Chaucer has a ribald ring, as is proper and correct, and Alexander Pope was inevitably Alexander Pope. Colley Cibber was a silly little man without much elegance and Shelley was very Percy and very Bysshe."
"There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that."
"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats."
"To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant."
"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
"Man has will, but woman has her way."
"I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?"
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
"It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever."
"The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints."
"It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions."
""Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a -- visiting card. If there's any complaint you want to make a special study of, just you come to me, sir, and see what I can do for you. It's not every one that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy.""
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."
"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."
"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
"A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar."
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
"Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason"
