"Five exclamation marks: the sure sign of an insane mind."
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 12 of 81)
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"Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow."
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"America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?"
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"Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line."
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"The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves."
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"I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short."
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"It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect."
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"There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."
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"If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one."
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"Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different."
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"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."
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"We don't know when our name came into being or how some distant ancestor acquired it. We don't understand our name at all, we don't know its history and yet we bear it with exalted fidelity, we merge with it, we like it, we are ridiculously proud of it as if we had thought it up ourselves in a moment of brilliant inspiration."
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"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
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"The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg."
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"Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?"
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"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange."
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"You know, my main reaction to this money thing is that it's humorous, all the attention to it, because it's hardly the most insightful or valuable thing that's happened to me."
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"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."
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"I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out."
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"As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path."
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