Humorous quotes
1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humorous — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise."
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
"A flatterer never seems absurd: The flatter'd always takes his word."
"She could have a Grammy I'd still treat her ass like a nominee."
"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
"History is written by the victors."
"In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
"People are your most valuable asset. Only people can be made to appreciate in value."
"Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present"
"These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people."
"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
"He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces."
"The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion."
"Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains."
"Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian."
"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet."
"You're only as good as your last haircut."
"You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed."
"Gandhi has sound economic and cultural reasons for encouraging the revival of cottage industries, but he does not counsel a fanatical repudiation of all modern progress. Machinery, trains, automobiles, the telegraph have played important parts in his own colossal life! Fifty years of public service, in prison and out, wrestling daily with practical details and harsh realities in the political world, have only increased his balance, open-mindedness, sanity, and humorous appreciation of the quaint human spectacle."
"I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing. I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments."
