Humorous quotes

Humorous

1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.

1.6K quotes

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Humorous quotes (page 9 of 81)

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William Shakespeare Playwright, Poet
Humorous

"I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not the soldier's which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness."

Nice Humorous Sadness
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Woody Allen Director, Actor, Writer
Humorous

"Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue."

Funny God Humorous
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George Carlin Comedian, Actor
Humorous

"In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself."

School Firsts Humorous
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Paul Merton Comedian, Actor
Humorous

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"

Funny Air Humorous
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Arthur Conan Doyle Writer, Physician
Humorous

""There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel.""

Thinking Humorous Sarcasm
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Winston Churchill Politician, Writer, Historian
Humorous

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly."

Party Drinking Humorous
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Woody Allen Director, Actor, Writer
Humorous

"A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio."

Boys Humorous Witty
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Woody Allen Director, Actor, Writer
Humorous

"Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college."

Humorous Witty Cute
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Woody Allen Director, Actor, Writer
Humorous

"I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier."

Humorous Witty Paris
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Ronald Reagan Politician, Actor
Humorous

"Well, I would - if they realized that we - again if - if we led them back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds, or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off."

Firsts Would Be Humorous
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