"The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains."
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 13 of 81)
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"I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks."
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"It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others."
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"Being bored is an insult to oneself."
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"Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking."
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"God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer."
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"There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?"
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"How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?"
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"The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance."
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"Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?"
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"No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most."
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"The Americans never walk. In winter too cold and in summer too hot."
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"I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me."
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"The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity is more touching than any humility; their solemnity gives us more hope for all things than a thousand carnivals of optimism; their large and lustrous eyes seem to hold all the stars in their astonishment; their fascinating absence of nose seems to give to us the most perfect hint of the humour that awaits us in the kingdom of heaven."
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"I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
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"Progress was all right. Only it went on too long."
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"The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns."
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"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
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"A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance."
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"Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!"
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