Humorous quotes
1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humorous — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last able to leave Piss-Artists Notorious."
"When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone."
"I am easily satisfied with the very best."
"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."
"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"
"The past does not equal the future."
"The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters."
"Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes."
"Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side."
"A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for."
"The steady state of disks is full."
"Part of the reason for the ugliness of adults, in a child's eyes, is that the child is usually looking upwards, and few faces are at their best when seen from below."
"It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts."
"I am only human, although I regret it."
"I figured something out. The future is unpredictable."
"I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it."
"She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir."
"The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to burst. Regardless of whispers and shakes, he swells and becomes discoloured, and yet again swells and becomes discoloured, until the aunt can bear it no longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck, and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's."
