"Do you mind if I don't smoke?"
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 16 of 81)
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"Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)"
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"Sometimes those who need it the most are inclined the least."
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"Facts are the enemy of truth."
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"I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds."
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"Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment."
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"If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money."
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"For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy."
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"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
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"I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy."
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"Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I put in the plant beds and transferred it! I hoed it! I've dug in it! I've sprayed it! I've chopped it! I've shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it!"
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"... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything."
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"Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves."
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"Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers had ever heard of the place. At last their supervisor showed up and set them straight by informing them that the city they had always referred to as 'Firenze' was in reality called Florence."
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"Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which had no greater savour than the fumes of burning money."
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"Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver."
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"Talkers are no good doers."
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"I can levitate birds. No one cares."
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"What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have."
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