“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 121 of 1263
“I've made forty-three pictures. Naturally I'm adorable in all of them.”
“If things get too much for you and you feel the whole world's against you, go stand on your head. If you can think of anything crazier to do, do it.”
“Behind every great man is a woman. Telling him he's not so hot.”
“My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself.”
“Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”
“Advertising is the modern substitute for argument, its function is to make the worse appear the better article. A confused competition of all propagandas -- those insults to human nature -- is carried on by the most expert psychological methods -- for instance, by always repeating a lie.”
“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
“I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.”
“You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you”
“To be a success as a Broadway composer, you must be Jewish or gay. I'm both.”
“Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd. One is a wanderer.”
“The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.”
“Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.”
“People who think too much before they act don't act too much.”
“Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.”
“The guy you see on the screen isn’t really me. I’m Duke Morrison, and I never was and never will be a film personality like JOHN WAYNE . I know him well. I’m one of his closest students. I have to be. I made a living out of him.”