“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 119 of 1263
“If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?”
“The long-term study of GMO foods is going on in real time and in real life. Not in a lab.”
“Comics are an international language, they can cross boundaries and generations. Comics are a bridge between all cultures.”
“While clothes with pictures and/or writing on them are not entirely an invention of the modern age, they are an unpleasant indication of the general state of things. ... I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?”
“Dahling, when God put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole.”
“I doubt whether classical education ever has been or can be successfully carried out without corporal punishment.”
“Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
“"I call them april babies cause they fools"”
“Abracadabra, I'm up like Viagra.”
“The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.”
“Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences and I am not ashamed. But if there is someone who is convinced that Jack Nicholson and I are lovers, may they continue to do so. I find it amusing.”
“A pamphlet, no matter how good, is never read more than once, but a song is learned by heart and repeated over and over. And I maintain that if a person can put a few common sense facts into a song and dress them up in a cloak of humor, he will succeed in reaching a great number of workers who are too unintelligent or too indifferent to read.”
“People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.”
“Don't ever for a minute make the mistake of looking down your nose at westerns. They're art - the good ones, I mean. They deal in life and sudden death and primitive struggle, and with the basic emotions - love, hate, and anger - thrown in. We'll have westerns films as long as the cameras keep turning. The fascination that the Old West has will never die. And as long as people want to pay money to see me act, I'll keep on making westerns until the day I die.”
“Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need.”
“I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.”
“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”
“Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.”
“Almost everybody is born a genius and buried an idiot.”