“A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 134 of 1263
“If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.”
“With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.”
“Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.”
“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”
“Stop making a big deal out of the little things Cause I got big deals and I got little things”
“Any man who doesn't partake in cigar smoking is nothing more than a weak-willed, meandering oaf, and I would never put my lips to those of any creature, man or beast, whose lips were not fresh awash in the currents of cigar smoke.'”
“Be a clown , be a clown, All the world loves a clown. Act the fool , play the calf, And you'll always have the last laugh .”
“We are only falsehood, duplicity, contradiction; we both conceal and disguise ourselves from ourselves.”
“It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving picaninnies; and one can imagine that Blair, twice victor abroad but enmired at home, is similarly seduced by foreign politeness. They say he is shortly off to the Congo. No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in Watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.”
“My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it.”
“If it's a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on.”
“When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.'”
“In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.”
“Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.”
“When I'm on stage the savage in me is released. It's like going back to being a cave man. It takes me six hours to come down after a show.”
“I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.”
“I am often surprised by the cleverness, and now and again by the stupidity, of my dog; and I have similar experiences with mankind.”
“Exuberance is beauty.”