“For years I've nursed a secret desire to spend the Fourth of July in a double hammock with a swingin' redheaded broad. But I could never find me a double hammock”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 136 of 1263
“[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again.”
“It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.”
“It's only natural for unbridled partisanship, unrestrained by allegiance to a greater cause, to lead to chaos.”
“Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.”
“It is a fearful mistake to believe that because our wishes are not accomplished they can do no harm.”
“A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.”
“When you just get mixed up & there's too much going on, then it's time to pick up your guitar.”
“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”
“A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.”
“Glamour is what I sell, it's my stock in trade.”
“Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip!”
“Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.”
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
“Wit and humor belong to genius alone.”
“A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands.”
“A drop of ink may make a million think.”
“One of the methods of manipulation is to inoculate individuals with the bourgeois appetite for personal success.”
“Celebrity is the chastisement of merit and the punishment of talent.”
“I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.”