“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 178 of 1263
“All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.”
“It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.”
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”
“The true snob never rests; there is always a higher goal to attain, and there are, by the same token, always more and more people to look down upon.”
“Because - oh shut up laughing, you two - because they've just been turned down by girls they asked to the ball!”
“Very well, I will marry you if you promise not to make me eat eggplant.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”
“Oh, the brave Music of a distant drum!”
“A soul you say? Give my pocketwatch to a savage and he'll think it has a soul.”
“A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.”
“I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?”
“I think of dieting, then I eat pizza.”
“I'm a technological moron. I have, I have problems with like.. the television”
“A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”
“Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!”
“Conversation should touch everything, but should concentrate itself on nothing.”
“I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead.”
“Life is too short to be taken seriously.”
“If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.”