“It's hard to play with a bagpipe player. It's like an exotic bird. I love the sound, it's like strangling a goose.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 185 of 1263
“Never try to outstubborn a cat.”
“Most people rush after pleasure so fast that they rush right past it.”
“Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!”
“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.”
“All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.”
“I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”
“If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?”
“The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.”
“Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders.”
“Blondes have the hottest kisses. Red-heads are fair-to-middling torrid, and brunettes are the frigidest of all. It's something to do with hormones, no doubt.”
“That old saw about the early bird just proves that the worm should have stayed in bed.”
“I believe that everyone is a fashion insider, because it's illegal to be naked.”
“I am a God, so hurry up with my damn massage; in a French-ass restaurant, hurry up with my damn croissants.”
“Sometimes I try a Mai Tai. It's so fruity. It's a little embarrassing, but I like it.”
“The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.”
“One is more certain to influence men, to produce more effect on them, by absurdities than by sensible ideas.”
“I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.”
“...Shorty's laugh was cold-blooded as he spoke so foul, Only twelve tryin to tell me that he liked my style. Then I rose, wiping the blunt's ash from my clothes, Then froze, only to blow the herb smoke through my nose.”
“Because the only people for me are the mad ones.”