“The simplest of women are wonderful liars who can extricate themselves from the most difficult dilemmas with a skill bordering on genius.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 223 of 1263
“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.”
“Jesus was a bachelor and never lived with a woman. Surely living with a woman is one of the most difficult things a man has to do, and he never did it.”
“All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.”
“In some ways, you know, people that don't exist, are much nicer than people that do.”
“'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'”
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.”
“These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.”
“It often runs in families," she remarked: "just as a love for pastry does.”
“If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school.”
“The Laws of Nature are just, but terrible. There is no weak mercy in them. Cause and consequence are inseparable and inevitable.”
“And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.”
“If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare.”
“I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.”
“The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.”
“A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.”
“Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value.”
“When everyone is looking for gold, it's a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.”
“Suppose . . . burglars had made entry into this . . . [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress.”
“What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.”