“There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 224 of 1263
“Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.”
“The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]”
“Acting is an empty and useless profession.”
“The only thing an actor owes his public is not to bore them.”
“It doesn't matter what I say as long as I sound different from other politicians.”
“When all else fails, look cute.”
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
“Sales people should take lessons from their kids. What does the word ‘no’ mean to a child? Almost nothing.”
“I was hungry and went out for a bite, ran into a chum with a bottle of rum and we wound up drinking all night.”
“If I couldn't laugh, I just would go insane. If we couldn't laugh, we just would go insane. If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.”
“Humor is one of the elements of genius--admirable as an adjunct; but as soon as it becomes dominant, only a surrogate for genius.”
“Without debate, without criticism no administration and no country can succeed and no republic can survive.”
“If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.”
“We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.”
“If you can't be kind, at least be vague.”
“In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport.”
“We cannot choose with whom we cohabit the world.”
“If you do anything regularly for a while, sooner or later the weirdoes will show up.”
“Gutenberg made everybody a reader. Xerox makes everybody a publisher.”