“It's all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 222 of 1263
“The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.”
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
“My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'”
“A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.”
“The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.”
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”
“Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.”
“I was a weird kid. I should've been gay because I listened to a lot of Broadway musicals. I don't know why I'm not gay.”
“The best surprise is no surprise.”
“In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.”
“Hitler built a fortress around Europe, but he forgot to put a roof on it.”
“Girdles and wire stays should have never been invented. No man wants to hug a padded bird cage.”
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
“How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”
“You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way”
“Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.”
“If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.”