“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 27 of 1263
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
“No nation respects a beggar.”
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
“A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.”
“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
“I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.”
“Excuse me while I kiss the sky.”
“He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.”
“Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.”
“I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!”
“I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”
“Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.”
“What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored.”
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
“I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.”
“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”
“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
“The Ego, however, is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image; it is your social mask; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear.”