“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 26 of 1263
“The half moon on the bank of the river's devotion. That's the stab wound, born from the killer emotion”
“Appraisals are where you get together with your team leader and agree what an outstanding member of the team you are, how much your contribution has been valued, what massive potential you have and, in recognition of all this, would you mind having your salary halved.”
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
“Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”
“Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.”
“Pearls are always appropriate.”
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
“Don't judge a book by its cover”
“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.”
“Don't be humble... you're not that great.”
“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”
“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”
“The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists.”
“To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.”
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
“Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!”
“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”