“Whatever you see you gotta keep a sense of humor; you gotta be able to smile through all the bullshit.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 29 of 1263
“Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.”
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
“I'm like my zombies. I won't stay dead!”
“An architect's most useful tools are an eraser at the drafting board, and a wrecking bar at the site.”
“I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn...but the troops were dazzled!”
“Working on your biceps? Try chopping down a cherry tree.”
“Ladies, if you saw me jackin off in a ferrari would you be jealous?”
“The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.”
“You only pass through this life once, you don't come back for an encore.”
“Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hot dogs.”
“The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!”
“When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.”
“A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”
“Friendship is mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love.”
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
“The general who advances without coveting fame and retreats without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his country and do good service for his sovereign, is the jewel of the kingdom.”
“Goebbels was in favor of free speech for views he liked. So was Stalin. If you’re really in favor of free speech, then you’re in favor of freedom of speech for precisely the views you despise. Otherwise, you’re not in favor of free speech.”
“Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause ? you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.”
“There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher.”