“If it makes you laugh, if it makes you cry, if it rips out your heart, that's a good picture.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 30 of 1263
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
“I talk slicker than a pimp from Augusta who just had his linen suit dry-cleaned”
“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.”
“A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.”
“If you are gonna wear gloves when you lift, just make sure they match your purse.”
“Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.”
“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
“You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret... All the best people are!”
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
“Bryl-cream, a little dab will do you.”
“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.”
“Saying we should keep the two-party system simply because it is working is like saying the Titanic voyage was a success because a few people survived on life-rafts.”
“I'm always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don't even take what I am seriously.”
“He may have hair upon his chest but, sister, so has Lassie.”
“A man without a mustache is a man without a soul.”
“Laughing is the best calorie burner.”
“Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.”
“You will never find happiness until you stop looking for it.”
“Always plan for the fact that no plan ever goes according to plan.”