“You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 31 of 1263
“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
“I don't care if you hate me or love me, as long as I make you think.”
“I'm no angel, but I've spread my wings a bit.”
“Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for years.”
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”
“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”
“Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. They all said: 'Try to live together peacefully.' BAM! Right in the f--in head! Aparently we're not ready for that!”
“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
“The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today.”
“A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.”
“Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer.”
“A good football coach needs a patient wife, a loyal dog and a great quarterback - but not necessarily in that order.”
“A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.”
“You can attract more bees with a spoonful of sugar than a cupful of vinegar.”
“I tried to groan, Help! Help! But the tone that came out was that of polite conversation.”
“It’s just like when you’ve got some coffee that’s too black, which means it’s too strong. What you do? You integrate it with cream; you make it weak. If you pour too much cream in, you won’t even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it’ll put you to sleep.”
“In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result.”
“Sacred cows make the best hamburger.”