“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 3 of 1263
“Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple”
“Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis No weenies.”
“In judging our progress as individuals we tend to concentrate on external factors such as one's social position, influence and popularity, wealth and standard of education... But internal factors may be even more crucial in assessing one's development as a human being. Honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, pure generosity, absence of vanity, readiness to serve others - qualities which are within easy reach of every soul - are the foundation of one's spiritual life.”
“With so much drama in the L-B-C, It's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G”
“Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.”
“It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none.”
“Why drink and drive if I can smoke and fly?”
“Mankind invented the atomic bomb, but no mouse would ever construct a mousetrap.”
“Nobody is more inferior than those who insist on being equal.”
“Some day there is going to be a man sitting in my present chair who has not been raised in the military services and who will have little understanding of where slashes in their estimates can be made with little or no damage. If that should happen while we still have the state of tension that now exists in the world, I shudder to think of what could happen in this country”
“I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.”
“Should any political party attempt to abolish social security unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group of course that believes you can do these things. Among them are a few other Texas oil millionaires and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid.”
“Never let yourself be persuaded that any one Great Man, any one leader, is necessary to the salvation of America. When America consists of one leader and 158 million followers, it will no longer be America.”
“The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he's in prison.”
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
“When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place. You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
“The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters.”
“The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.”
“In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.”