“In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.”
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Funny Quotes
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“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
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“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
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“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.”
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More Funny Quotes
“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.”
“Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.”
“Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.”
“It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.”
“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'”
“Women always worry about things that men forget; men always worry about things women remember.”
“If you are a pop band, don't say you're a metal band. Poison and Warrant were about as metal as the Backstreet Boys.”
“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
“But life is just a party, and parties weren't meant to last.”
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”
“The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.”
“I'm inspired by everything that goes on around me. I'm a sponge. I'm very analytical. I notice the things that most people don't notice.”
“The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance”
“Democracy cannot consist solely of elections that are nearly always fictitious and managed by rich landowners and professional politicians.”
“Be realistic, demand the impossible!”
“Think of all the years passed by in which you said to yourself "I'll do it tomorrow," and how the gods have again and again granted you periods of grace of which you have not availed yourself. It is time to realize that you are a member of the Universe, that you are born of Nature itself, and to know that a limit has been set to your time. Use every moment wisely, to perceive your inner refulgence, or 'twill be gone and nevermore within your reach.”
“If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman or a new car!”