“If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 98 of 1263
“Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.”
“People do not win people fights. Lawyers do.”
“'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'”
“You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.”
“All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.”
“Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.”
“I've never lost a game I just ran out of time.”
“Make yourself honey and the flies will devour you.”
“I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor.”
“A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.”
“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.”
“Got tight last night on absinthe and did knife tricks. Great success shooting the knife underhand into the piano. The woodworms are so bad and eat hell out of all the furniture that you can always claim the woodworms did it.”
“I re-invented my image so many times that I'm in denial that I was originally an overweight Korean woman.”
“Human beings are unable to be honest with themselves about themselves. They cannot talk about themselves without embellishing.”
“I have been known on occasion to howl at the moon.”
“Most people spend their lives going to bed when they're not sleepy and getting up when they are!”
“Whatever the parents are doing, the kids will follow suit.”
“Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us.”
“For a long time I was embarrassed to say I was a 'B' movie actor, ... But now that I see what Hollywood's putting out, I realized 'B' actually means 'better.'”