"Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time."
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Quote collection
Scott Adams quotes (page 2 of 14)
267 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The best things in life are silly."
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"If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it."
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"You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles."
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"Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
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"Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity - except in politics where it's called leadership."
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"Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it."
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"Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve."
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"If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you."
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"Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method. Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist. Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe. Dogbert: Sounds cultish."
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"A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer."
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"There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens."
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"Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo"
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"Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure."
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"The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility."
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"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks."
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"The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations."
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"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."
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"Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company."
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"Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you."
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