Quote collection
267 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants."
"Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing."
"The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out."
"I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees."
"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."
"The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. This is why people of different religions can generally live in peace. At some level, we all suspect that other people don't believe their own religion any more than we believe ours."
"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."
"The only risk of failure is promotion."
"The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay."
"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
"Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time.""
"You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too."
"Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently."
"One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead."
"The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future."
"Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information."
"If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you."
"If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts."
"Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else."
"Priority-wise, it simply makes sense to take care of yourself before you start searching for a higher meaning. You aren't much good to anyone else if you're unhealthy, a financial burden, or an emotional basket case. Fix yourself before you turn outward. It's best for everyone."