"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 1 of 41)
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"I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
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"Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
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"Eighty percent of success is showing up."
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"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
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"It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies."
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"The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty."
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"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
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"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."
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"Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more."
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"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
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"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
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"A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings."
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"You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past."
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"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."
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"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
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"A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense."
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"She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak."
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"In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm."
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"I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse."
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