"In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald."
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 11 of 41)
818 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present."
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"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
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"Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts."
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"I've never felt Truth was Beauty. Never. I've always felt that people can't take too much reality. I like being in Ingmar Bergman's world. Or in Louis Armstrong's world. Or in the world of the New York Knicks. Because it's not this world. You spend your whole life searching for a way out. You just get an overdose of reality, you know, and it's a terrible thing. I'm always fighting against reality."
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"What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours."
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"When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane."
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"As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions."
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"You mellow too much you ripen and rot."
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"What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!"
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"Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here."
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"Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun."
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"I had an IQ test. The results came back negative."
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"There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith."
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"When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce."
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"I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?"
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"Eternity is really long, especially near the end."
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"People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country."
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"There is no advantage getting older. You don't get smarter, you don't get wiser, you don't get more mellow, you don't get more kindly, nothing good happens. Your back hurts more, you get more indigestion, your eyesight isn't as good, you need a hearing aid. It's a bad business getting old and I would advise you not to do it if you can avoid it. It doesn't have a romantic quality."
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"I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's."
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