"Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle."
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 9 of 41)
818 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
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"A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio."
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"I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot"
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"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."
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"Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one."
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"Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college."
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"I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back."
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"The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right."
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"I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier."
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"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."
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"Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female."
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"What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people."
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"If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently."
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"I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies."
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"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
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"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
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"Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging."
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"My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one"
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"I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier."
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