"Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully."
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Quote collection
Woody Allen quotes (page 14 of 41)
818 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders."
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"I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven."
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"Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously."
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"Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano."
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"The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?"
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"If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship."
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"I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening."
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"My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad."
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"The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't."
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"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that."
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"Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous."
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"My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign"
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"Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen."
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"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic."
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"When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be."
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"I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it."
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"Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off."
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"There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?"
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"I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night."
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